new site

hello dearest friends.

i have a new website!
thanks to the one and only aaron garcia,
my blog is now available at monicahopkins.com

i think you might need to resubscribe.
[all 10 of my readers]
sorry for the inconvenience,
but please do take a moment to do so.

i love you all.
enjoy my new site.
it's just a start.
expect changes in the future!

an open book

i’ve recently started a new venture in my life, that just a few of my loved ones know about. [just a few]. it’s an adventure, without a doubt, and it’s frightening and emotional, and life-changing, and all of those difficult things that i know will pay off in the end.

the scariest part about it though, is being so open with these people. i fear that someone will spill the beans, or innocently share with someone else, or write something embarrassing on my facebook wall [yes, i fear this]. i have no control over that and it’s a challenge that i face often because i am committed to living my life as an open book.

but that’s the thing about being vulnerable to people. it means you hand over control to them. you are no longer running the show alone–these people become very much a part of it. and it can be difficult because you can only trust people to an extent, but it’s such a good thing because they are then allowed to take part in the adventure with you. that includes the sorrow and the joy.

i’m convinced this is how God intended it.

old habits

i have this really bad habit.
i like to stay out very late on the weekends
[makes me feel like i'm an adult i think,
and somehow reassures the fact that
i own my time...or something like that].
and on my way home i stop at whataburger.
yes, whataburger.

this fine establishment starts serving breakfast
at 11 pm.
[i like the breakfast taquito with a coke.]
and i find myself craving this meal around midnight.
that's how bad this habit is.

this is not a good thing.
but somehow, i'm ok with it.
i claim it as just another one of my weird things.

new topic: how many "weird things" is one person allowed to have?

growing.

i need to be a better person.
so,
i'm going to work on that.

love

i have a new love for valentines day.
i don't like it when people complain
about valentines being all about consumerism,
fake romance, waste of money, single-awareness day,
blah blah blah.
i don't ever want to be that person.

so this year,
i spent valentines day with people i love.
and it was so wonderful.
the best valentines i've ever had.
and now i look back to those times
when i've actually had a valentine.
they were so empty compared to this one.

i realized that
changing the meaning of valentines day
starts with me [one person].
consciously choosing to be with people that i truly love
and make sure they know that i love them.

so instead of complaining about the day,
i celebrated valentines.
and it was lovely.

black, white, and grey

i've always been a very honest person.
straightforward.
blunt, if you will.

i have always seen life as very black and white.
this is right, and this is wrong.
i situation comes up,
i instantly know what category it goes in.
i make a decision, and there is no turning back.

but things changed for me.
in the last year and a half,
there has been very much a grey area in my life.
this isn't wrong, but it isn't necessarily right.
or i knew at one time this was wrong,
but it's not really wrong to me anymore...

i've recently had a situation that was neither black or white.
it knew it was the right thing to do,
but it was so wrong at the same time.

maybe i'm just growing up.