spreadsheet girl

i must tell you,
i enjoy microsoft excel.
spreadsheets.
i absolutely love a good spreadsheet.
you know what i'm talking about...
with all the fancy functions.

i wouldn't call myself an excel expert,
but i do take pride in my somewhat
above average knowledge of the program.

however,
today i do not like excel.
why?
too much of a good thing.
i have spent the entire day
moving from spreadsheet to spreadsheet.
my eyes are tired.
i want to go home.
and i definitely need a coke.

spreadsheet girl...more like tired girl.

christmas day girl

day four was boring.
day five:

CHRISTMAS!! merry christmas little ones.

today i was awakened by my
twenty-four year old brother
shaking me and yelling
"IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!"

that's love right there.

merry christmas!

day tres

on the third day of christmas...

no more shopping!
(i probably will find myself shopping)
church.
food.
family.

just for everyone's information:
my favorite christmas song is
the beatles - wonderful christmas time.
it's so joyous.

oh and last night,
my dear took me christmas light looking
which is my favorite christmas activity.
the lights were beautiful!
i think i scared him with my joy.

day two

on the second day of christmas...
(monica's six days of christmas, that is)
more shopping!

i have approximately 2.5 more gifts to purchase.
and then i will proceed to rejoice
for it will officially be christmas time.
which means,
lots and lots of eating.

carry on.

christmas girl

it's christmas time.
and it's the most wonderful time of the year!

today is the first of six days
off of work.
i like to refer to it as:
monica's six days of christmas.

on the first day of christmas:
shop till i drop.

wish me luck!

documentary girl

so i'm taking part in a documentary.
taking part in the creation of something great.
and with some very dear friends.

i am feeling good!

lately, i have felt somewhat discontent.

or just like something is missing from somewhere.

[perhaps that's why i have been baking so much?]

i think this documentary making

will be rather refreshing.

sometimes you just need to shake things up.

catch my drift?

domestic girl

i never thought i'd say this,
but lately i've become sort of domestic.

i'm baking all the time,
making gift baskets,
cleaning,
cooking.

can you believe this??

i'll probably get over this phase
in just a few weeks.
knowing myself...

enjoy while you can!

fine writing

not many people know this about me,
but i'd like to write a book.
not sure what it will be about
or what type of book it will be.

i just know i want to write one.

i know many people say this very same thing,
but this burns so deeply within me.
my life would not be complete if i did not do this.

until that day,
i will continue to read.
and consume fine writing.

tolstoy? sara?

colorful girl

i bring great news from the north:
COLD IS COMING.
rejoice!

enjoying myself thoroughly.
taking plenty of pictures.
my favorite colors exist here.
one would not expect so many
from such a bleak, northern city.
but this is far from bleak,
and so very close to vibrant.

i shall return to the south tomorrow.
always to remain a southern belle.

little ill one.

i have been struck with illness.
and am currently on the downhill slope.
[praise the Lord]
these last two days feel almost like a dream
but more like a nightmare.

i was finally able to hold down food today.
chicken noodle soup never tasted so good.

the good news:
at the end of this week
a wonderful thing awaits.

northern girl

next weekend,
i head to the north!

to a place where there are many buildings.
many people.
many things.
and one very special boy.

i shall return with christmas cheer.
and hopefully christmas presents.

christmas trees and curtains

these are the things i am currently in need of:

one christmas tree (any size will do)
someone to come hang my curtains
a car wash
a million dollars

if anyone would like to donate any of these things to me,
i would greatly appreciate it.
[this is my sad attempt at being cheap.]

my mother told me at a very young age that i have expensive taste.
i just can't help it.
it's a disease, really.

mirror

hello.
[my favorite thing to say, recently.]

something else i've been reflecting on:
there are four starbucks in between my apartment and my work.
endless amounts of cafe mocha.
or a latte, if you prefer.
i wonder: if one morning i stopped at all 4, how long would that take?


another reflection: the goodness of the Lord in my life right now.

happy girl.

the thing of which i was so anxious about
flew to dallas from a very famous city.
just for me.
the obtainment of this said thing
was like a dream.
and i feel like i'm currently in a whirlwind.
which can be a very funny experience.

my excitement is still there
and i am glad for that.
it did not fade for one second.

i am a happy girl.

grey.

this is what i was thinking about this morning while getting ready:

isn't it funny how whenever we get excited about something
everything else just tends to lose color?
things that were so exciting and thrilling before
just seem dull and grey.
nothing will match up to it.
nothing compares.
nothing is complete until you attain this one thing
that you are so anxious about.

i love that.
i think the Lord made us that way on purpose.
he's funny like that.

for becki

this is for becki.

things i'm REAL tired of:

1. the scene.
2. not having enough hot dogs at the magnolia.
3. texas heat.

my gift

"My heart is overflowing with a good theme;
I recite my composition concerning the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer." - Psalm 45:1

my heart is overflowing with many good themes.
i write my composition concerning my King.
my tongue is the pen of this ready writer.

a gift that has been given to me,
i return to Him with a heart like Hannah.
i hope [know] He will use it in me.

infestation

my office is currently infested with crickets.
every moment of every day,
i feel like i'm going to puke.
this is so disgusting.
they even fall from the ceiling.
i think it might be mating season too.
lots of noises happening.

i feel no guilt in killing them.
is that bad?

i think this all roots back to my childhood,
when daniel and jesse would throw crickets on me...
so cruel.

breaks ova

since i graduated,
i decided to take a short break from reading of the serious persuasion.
[give or take a short book or two that i've read before]
i did this to get over that analytical mindset
that controls the reading brain of a young English major.
a constant search for symbols, metaphors, thematic parallels, etc.

i just want to read, to read.
to further my enjoyment of life.
not to be in a bondage of some sort.

i think the break is over.
and i believe i'm going to get a book on american cults.
i always find those amazing.
they help to define my beliefs and i like that idea.

movin' girl

I AM MOVING TOMORROW!
i am excited.

party of the century coming soon.

i miss...

i have a blog.
i have abandoned said blog since august 22nd.
i feel guilty (not really).

the reason i have not written a thing for quite a while is because i have been working harder than i have ever worked in my entire life. i'm not sure how i've had time to even eat! [which is something i would never sacrifice for anything].

hopefully,
these days ahead will contain less activities.
i know they don't.
but i say that "hopefully"

i miss my blog.

blog for the non-ladies

per aaron's request, here is a blog for the guys:


i was driving home today from work,
and madonna's "vogue" came on the radio.
i think it was nature's way of telling me
i need to step it up in the fashion department.

too close for comfort

this is something i've noticed:

people stand too close in lines.

ok, i need my space.
i always try to give the person
in front of me plenty of space.
but i always get some MOM behind me
usually spanish speaking
with her 67 children
all yelling in spanish
and all getting so close
that they manage to hit my bag
approximately 19 times before
i am finally able to get out of there.

even when it's not the mom with 300 kids,
it's the old man who is just too close.
seriously,
every time i want to turn around and say
"could you just back up a little bit?"
or "18 inches please."

give me some space PEOPLE!

paper girl

the other night,
i dreamt i was made of paper.
the most delicate paper in the world.
and the Lord had me in his hands.

it was my favorite dream
out of all the dreams i've had.

of course there is such spiritual significance.
(which only adds to how much i loved it)
but i will not disclose that here.

the Lord always speaks to me in my sleep.
especially in the most crucial times of my life.
and i really like that.
it's very special to me.

hope everyone is doing well
and learning as much as i am.

the poet

s.v. baum wrote this on e.e. cummings:

"In perceiving the world with full awareness, each man stands in momentary relationship with life, for everything whirls past him in never-ending change. When the moment has passed, it will never be repeated and can never be exactly matched. The poet's responsibility is to set down without falsification this single fragment of time."

i obviously put this in my paper on cummings.

it's one of my favorite quotes.

another classic

well yesterday i saw another classic on someone's car:

"i'm the princess, who are you?"

apparently i'm not the princess, but whatev.

blog for the ladies

ok i am SURE many of you ladies out there can relate to this:

when you go to the store to purchase the feminine hygiene products.
this is always an embarrassing situation.
why is it embarrassing? unexplainable mystery.
just accept that it is.

but the worst part is the check-out lines.
you scan all the check-out lines for the one with the woman clerk
because there is no way you are buying these products from a man.
and you finally find the right line.
you get in it and stand there awkwardly
until it finally is your turn.
as soon as you start your check-out procedure,
the 18 year old boy who bags for the grocery store shows up
to bag your awkward, embarrassing items.
this happens to me every time.

workin woman

so when i go to work every day,
on the commute i tend to see the same cars
also on their way to work.
this i don't mind.
in fact, i'm pretty much indifferent.

however, there is this one car
that i see all the time.
it's a vw bug
and on the window is a sticker that says:
"Mommy's Angel Michelle"

i think i'm just going to let that speak for itself...

usa

AMERICA!!

i love the 4th of july.
thank you jesus for the freedom i have.
i am glad to live in the u.s.ofa.

sbtb

ok, has anyone noticed this:

on saved by the bell,
when they switch around girlfriends and boyfriends
ie: when kelly goes with slater, or when lisa goes with zack,
or when lisa goes with slater, or when jessie hooks up with
zack, i think?
why doesn't anyone get upset?
i mean, there is no "i dated him so you cant date him"
rule existing on that show.
that's not realistic!

loss

i realized last night that i've lost my passion.
compared to others i am still extremely passionate.
but in this matter, i've lost my passion.
and i hope to regain it very soon.

maybe recognizing my loss of it,
is in fact regaining it.

the shopping cart

is it just me, or is it a universal code
that no matter which shopping cart you choose,
you'll end up with the worst one in the store?

where are the good carts?
the wheels that work,
the carts that don't have sticky stuff on them
that may or may not be a body fluid of some sort,
the ones that have been thoroughly soaked
with WD40 so they don't sound like a dying cat.
where are these carts??

there has GOT to be a good cart company out there.
where is this company?
who do they sell their carts to?
because that's where i want to be shopping.
i don't know about everybody else...

disconnection

does anyone ever feel a complete disconnection with the world?
last night i felt this and it was terrible.
i went swimming in our new pool, which was awesome
but then i left my parents and i came back to my apartment
and no one was here. it was the saddest feeling walking
through the door to no one.
which is funny because just earlier in the day
i was thinking about how i needed some alone time
and i hoped to have the apartment to myself soon.

i went to sleep but i left my bedroom door
slightly open. for an opportunity, i guess.
i fell asleep before said opportunity came.
and i felt completely disconnected.

a.g. you mah gurl

the first cd i ever bought was amy grant- heart in motion.
do i really need to say anything else??

it changed my life. that's all i'll say.

well i'm twenty-two now!
bout time.

this is what i've recently decided that i want:




you can go ahead and start collecting money for the vespa fund.

RECENT DEVELOPMENTS

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!

yes, go ahead and be excited for me!

i will be working as the administrative assistant
for the women's ministry at Gateway Church.
and i am ecstatic!

this is truly an answer to prayer.

oh yeah, and a shout out to ERIN SULLIVAN
who basically hooked me up with the job.
what an awesome friend!!

cold(er) weather

i came home a little later last night
and as i was walking in, i noted
the complete pleasantness of the weather.
it was a little on the chilly side
as the goosebumps on my arm told me
but nevertheless, pleasant.

and then
when i stepped outside this morning
it was so beautiful.
i am thankful for this weather
because yesterday was just hot.

but enough about the weather...
the job interview went very well.
i am pretty sure i got the job.
just waiting to find out.

my parents are moving to a huge house
in dallas this weekend.
i am not looking forward to helping.

well

so i am a college graduate now.
it feels pretty great.
my party was a complete success.
thanks to all of my loved ones!

i have an interview tomorrow
and this is what i'm praying they'll say
"we love you monica,
please work for us.
we need your expertise"

career

i need a job.
anyone?

have you ever noticed that you always get a job by knowing someone who knows someone? so...does anyone know someone? anyone at all?

YES!

i just finished college.
i cannot explain all of the goodness
that i am feeling right now.


and i'm going to go get my haircut.


monica "too cool for school" hopkins

aunt mickey

i am finishing up my work for my writing class this semester and i had the assignment of writing a holiday memoir. basically, write your favorite holiday memory. seeing as i am a member of the hopkins family, pretty much every holiday is memorable because we are a hilarious group, if i dont say so myself. but i had absolutely no problem choosing which holiday to write on because this particular holiday will stick out in my mind for years and years to come. i wrote on thanksgiving 2006, which is when we found out that great aunt mickey, who is now deceased, was a lesbian. who knew?

wisdom

in an attempt to find consistency in my life which is so very inconsistent right now, i looked to a reading assignment. (keep in mind, i do realize that all consistency comes from the Lord...He uses daily things to reveal that to us) Saint Catherine of Sienna wrote this sometime between 1347 and 1380:

Wisdom is
so kind and wise
that wherever you may look
you can learn something
about God.

Why
would not
the omnipresent
teach that
way?

it is amazing that this speaks to me today. her poetry has reminded me of His consistency in my life, even when it is overwhelmingly crazy and bizarre. and even when i feel as though i am in the storm of my life, His wisdom [healing, love, peace, etc] is there. i am able to find it anywhere, as long as i am in a position to receive. i am blessed to be able to find Him in my daily work. who would have thought that i would receive revelation in the middle of my english class? [which i so badly wanted to skip today]

i carry your heart

i just finished my last major paper of my undergraduate career. it feels pretty good. i've passed over a significant bump and now i can move onto the rest of my work which is yet to be completed. "i am so over this semester" is my quote these days.

my paper was over this poem which in my opinion is the most romantic poem in the world. (someone gave it to me once, but it has a different meaning to me now)

[i carry your heart]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings

daily wisdom

i get a quote of the day on my google homepage and i dont always read them, but i sure am glad i read today's quote:

"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." -Ellen DeGeneres


don't worry ellen, i don't work out either. i don't necessarily get bone density tests...but i sure as heck find other ways to not work out.

corny-corncorn

last night we were watching the news. [i know what you're thinking...i do watch the news from time to time] they had this little bit about corn being used for that new fuel...e-something or other. with more corn being used as this new fuel source, the price of corn is obviously going up. i believe they said it has almost doubled. well, they interviewed this farmer who was complaining about the price going up because he feeds his cattle corn.

PAUSE. now, for those of you who know me well, you are very aware of my corn allergy. i avoid corn at all costs because it is a quite painful process once i have actually eaten any kind of corn product. so i try to eat plenty of meat, and pasta, because those two things are pretty reliable when it comes to not having the corn in them. but this farmer feeds his cattle corn...and then i eat the meat! it is practically impossible for me to have a corn-free diet. why is this so? i cant get away from it. corn is everywhere...how many farmers feed their cows corn?? does everyone know about this? am i just unaware?

maybe i need to watch the news more.

rejoice

"Rejoice in the Lord always, Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:4-7

probably some of the best advice ever.
as easter is approaching,
i am thanking God for Christ Jesus
who makes that peace possible.
the kind that surpasses all understanding.
i am rejoicing in HIM.
The Lord is at hand.

cooking disaster

ok so i'm not the best cook in the world. and here is why: i think i'm cursed!

i have a few things that i like to cook, but mostly i just make whatever. i slap something together and i call it a meal. (it makes me feel accomplished, dont judge) however, i have one meal that i am QUITE proud of that i make about every two weeks or so. this meal would be called chicken tetrazini. now, i'm not sure if thats how you actually spell it and at this point i am way too lazy to look it up, so we're just going to go with that. first of all, chicken tetrazini is my favorite meal IN THE WORLD. i would most definitely choose it for my last meal if i knew it was going to be my last meal. combined with texas toast, it is quite possibly a little slice of heaven. CT (which is how i will refer to it from this point on) consists of chicken, cream of mushroom soup, cheese, noodles, etc. it is made in the form of a "casserole." you may or may not have heard of "casserole" because it seems like no one makes casseroles these days.

anyway, i make this delicious meal about every two weeks. but somehow something goes wrong every single time. never with the actual food, but always with me. the last time i cooked CT it was awesome, perfect even. and what did i do? oh i forgot to put the rest of it in the refrigerator! so i ruined it. well, last night as i was boiling the chicken for the CT, something was in the burner from a previous cooking experience. it decided to burn and to smoke all over the kitchen and i somehow inhaled a HUGE amount of the smoke therefore burning my throat and lungs. i had a cough for the rest of the night and today i sound like a frog. i'm wearing green. how fitting!

the golden age

last night i drove. and then i came back and sat in my car in front of my apartment for probably thirty minutes. i put in beck's album sea change, which is so nostalgic for me. it reminds me of four years ago exactly. finishing up high school, thinking i had the entire world before me. take that feeling and mutiply it by a million and that is how i currently feel. it is absolutely wonderful!

[now most people know i love beck dearly. he's one of my favorite artists. but hardly anyone knows that sea change is my favorite album of his. you probably wouldn't expect it because it's so different from all of his other projects. that's the thing about beck, he reinvents himself every album and comes up with something completely different, but there is still a common thread in all of them. sea change, though, is so radically different that it has become my favorite.]

summer 2003. all of those memories are brought back when i listen to that album. wasting money, going to shows, and spending practically every day at the dairy queen. isn't it funny how certain albums remind us of different periods in our lives? it's like the music defines it. badly drawn boy always reminds me of winter 2004, which was a very good winter indeed. the stills always remind me of summer 2004, and ryan adams always reminds me of the entire year of 2005. i really like it when that happens. and i really like remembering those times.

sea of blue

last week i was sitting in the starbucks on carrier, which i have come to believe is another campus for dbu (but thats another topic for another day). all i brought with me was my ipod, my book (for class, of course), and my pen. i read and i read and i read, but the entire time my underlying thought was "i cant wait until i can go to starbucks and read for me." not that my reading assignments are not good, but i really cannot wait until i can read what i want to read. until i can spend an evening sitting at starbucks, reading and drinking my mocha, and probably listening to something like mum, or south san gabriel, or something. i've had a list going for a while of books i'm going to read when i graduate and i want everyone to add to that list. so please, tell me things to read. i like russian literature, so there's a clue.

but, how many people actually do that? how many people take the time to do something they enjoy for that matter? i absolutely love reading (and in reading, bettering myself and gaining wisdom) and i plan on doing so as much as possible when i actually have free time to do it. this will be occurring in just a few short weeks.

on another note, the bluebonnets are blooming and they are just beautiful! if you've ever been out to dbu in the spring, then you've seen the bluebonnets on 408. some days you can drive by and see twenty cars parked on the side of the road and lots of little families taking pictures. it's like a sea of blue. i love it!

oh dietrich...

ok, another dietrich bonhoeffer excerpt. sorry, it's just what i'm reading right now and it's so good!

"The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to his Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them. [...] He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too. This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words."

i have a serious problem with this. i dont think it's to the point of meaningless chatter arrayed in pious words, because i believe i'm genuine. but sometimes i just cant shut my mouth. i feel this need to fix things, to take on the burden as my own instead of handing it over to God.

"Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking."

it makes perfect sense. because we live in a fallen world, we're constantly seeking to gratify ourselves. someone comes to us with a problem (really just needing for us to listen as they talk) and we think that we have to solve it. we wont feel good about ourselves, we wont feel satisfied unless we solve the problem, or atleast guide this person along. we feel unaccomplished if all we did was listen to them. it's such a selfish thing and i see myself doing it on a regular basis. sometimes i just need to listen, and be there. there are so many times when i've felt like i just wanted someone to listen, and they tried to solve the problem only making me more upset. sometimes i feel like "giving advice" (which is probably not at all close to what i'm doing) is the only thing i have to offer. just listening is a reminder that i'm not perfect and i dont have the answer, which is an even harder reality to understand. i forget that listening is one of the greatest services i can give. even if it means i wont feel good about myself afterwards. i fear that my meaningless chatter with a person will soon become my meaningless chatter with God. i dont want to be one of those people who drops "pious" words left and right. you can see right through them and you can see their selfishness and insecurity. i choose to listen more. in choosing to listen more, i'm choosing to be more like Christ, which is the original goal, right?

getting older

last night at the grocery store i was standing in line waiting and after reading all of the ridiculous tabloids about brittney spears and justin timberlake and how did star jones get so thin... i turned towards the candy. i would be lying if i didnt say that i was completely tempted to buy some bubble tape. does anyone remember that?? bubble tape was seriously the best gum in the world when i was approximately nine. i remember many a road trip of taking money from what me and my brothers called the "homie fund" and buying a minimum of three packages of bubble tape. all to be chewed by the time we reached ohio.

i've been thinking alot lately about getting older. i'm only 21, which may seem very old to some people and may seem very young to others, i go back and forth on the idea. lately though, i've felt like it was somewhat young. i feel like i should be atleast 23, right? well thats another idea for another day. the point is, as i'm preparing for this new stage in my life, i'm really excited about growing up. i'm actually looking forward to it! can you believe that? i, monica hopkins, am looking forward to growing up. that doesn't mean i have to become serious all the time and boring. i can still be fun and have fun. but, i'm looking forward to a different responsibility. a change in my life. i'm looking forward to being relieved of schoolwork and taking on the responsibility of paying my bills (and on time of course). it's not just those things that i'm looking forward to though. i'm excited about getting older. i feel like i'm just getting ready to take off and all of these experiences that i'm going to have are just before me. it's a rather encouraging and exciting thought, and i cant wait to see what God has in store for me. to use the words of death cab for cutie: "i can't wait to go grey"

verb-alicious?

charlotte perkins gilman once said "life is a verb."

i came across this quote as i was working on a research paper over charlotte perkins gilman's literature. obviously since i was working on the paper, i was discouraged and angry with school. (normal for someone in their last semester of college, i think) i mean, who likes working on papers? yes, i do get really excited when i know i've written a good paper, but that doesnt mean i enjoy the process.

anyway, i was so uplifted by this quote. for this author, life was more of a twisted psychological thriller. which i guess could be considered a verb for her, but whatever floats your boat CPG! i was reading about her life, and i saw that quote from her. i immediately perked up when i read that. life is a verb! yes, sitting is a verb, and crying is a verb, but so is jumping and laughing and loving. i think she must have meant that in a positive light. even if she didnt, i'm choosing to take it that way. i hope i choose the right verbs in my life. the good ones.

i wish i had made that my senior quote in high school. instead of "all you need is love". i'm shaking my head in regret...

time

this could possibly be the slowest week of my entire life.
spring break feels like it is approximately three years away.
today feels like friday when in all actuality, it is thursday.
and i am seriously disappointed that it's not friday.

however, dietrich bonhoeffer has encouraged me today:

"Only he who gives thanks for little things receives the big things. We prevent God from giving us the great spiritual gifts he has in store for us, because we do not give thanks for daily gifts. [...] How can God entrust great things to one who will not thankfully receive from him the little things? If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ."

so, today i am thanking God for breath, for life, for spiritual revelation, for my cinnamon toast crunch breakfast, for the clothes i have on, for the bed i slept in, for the gift of relationship with him through Jesus Christ, and for the people i have with me on my journey in life- my family, my friends, the people i met yesterday, and the people i will meet today and tomorrow.

monica.

one half

i dont really understand the concept
of a midterm and a final.
i completely understand the concept
of testing.
but there needs to be more than two tests...
one entire half of a semester
yields a large amount of information.

i have a midterm tomorrow in a poetry class.
i dont really like poetry, but i like this professor
so i was like "okay whatev, i'll take the class"
knowing that i'd be graduating in a few months.
little did i know that it would be extremely difficult.
tomorrow is the test over the first half
which has practically been two months.
two months of information...
on poetry...

and i continue to procrastinate as i write this blog...
my senioritis is completely out of control.

mon

one drop

i have a hilarious professor whom i love dearly.
she truly makes me laugh every single class.

the other day in class we were talking about the harlem renaissance
and the number of authors who spawned from this period.
obviously, all were african american.
however, someone started talking about authors of mixed heritage.
(keep in mind my professor is an african american herself)
this was my instructor's response:
"it doesnt take much to be black. one drop'll do ya."


yes, one drop'll do ya apparently...

setting my eyes.

some thoughts i've recently had.

i've been thinking about some of the things that i've been facing recently. i worry alot that i'm not prepared for them. that i'm not properly putting on "the armor" for the daily battles. but what does that really mean? i know the descriptions that are offered to us through the new testament, but i really started thinking about battles and fighting sin. i feel like it's something i'm constantly doing. always staring in the eyes of my enemies and thinking about what my next move will be against them. i think we as christians do this so much. we focus our gaze on the enemy and our minds are set on the battle, but thats not where we should be looking. why are we not setting our gaze on Christ? why am i not focusing on Him? this unbelievably simple point hit me harder than a rock. i dont need to focus on what i'm fighting against, i need to focus on my Redeemer. the one who fights for me. it says so in hebrews 12:1-2:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (NKJV)

i dont want to constantly fight my battles. staring in the eyes of my enemies and my weaknesses does me no good. i should be staring into the eyes of the Holy and perfect one. setting my eyes on the goal that is before me and never looking back. He is the author and finisher of my faith, my life, my existence. i will set my eyes on Him and nothing else, allowing Him to fight for me, because i know He will be victorious. as i yoke myself unto God, i'm allowing Him to take over the work. i'm tired, but He never grows weary. this is good to know.

mon

february 18

my procrastination has reached an all-time high.
here i sit in the library, with about a million things to do.
and what am i doing?
oh i'm on myspace.

thinking about how i need a haircut soon.
about church this morning.
(and its overwhelming restoration)
about this dumb poem
that i have to present on.
["symptoms of love" robert graves]
about the radio dept. and how i like them.
about radiant and my brothers.
about how i just missed a call from my mom.
sorry mom.
about my relationships.
and how i wish i had more to give.
about how scared i am to graduate
but how much i'm anticipating it.

back to analyzing literature...
which is the current story of my life.

-m

leather bombers

i dont care what anyone says, or whatever the circumstances are...

it is NEVER ok to wear pajamas to the grocery store.
or for that matter, in public at all.

and it is especially never ok to wear pajama pants
with a leather bomber that was probably made in 1982.
as you buy tv dinners and store-brand potato chips.
this combination of things can only result in living alone with cats.
many, many cats.

i can only assume that the woman who was doing this
lives alone with all of her cats
and is probably a star wars fan.

immaturity at its finest

meals. i dont know about anyone else, but as a typical american, i go through a large amount of liquid whilst eating a meal. i know that in most countries that are not the united states, people will eat their entire meal, and then have the smallest glass of water possible. this, to me, is definitely not ok. i want the liquid. no, i NEED the liquid. this need that dwells inside of me came to the surface when i was approximately seven years old. i cannot remember all the details of this occurence because i was seven, but the most important aspects of the story are embedded in my mind forever. here it is: i'm sitting at the dinner table by myself (not sure why) and i think i'm eating a grilled cheese sandwich. i was atleast eating something of the sort, seeing as that was a staple product in the hopkins household, along with chicken noodle soup and beef. whatever the case, i also had a cup of juice (also a classic hopkins product) and about halfway through my sandwich, my juice was out. thats right, i still had half a sandwich left and NO juice. whats a girl to do? a panic came over me. seriously, a panic came over me and my caveman instinct completely took over. i mean, the only thing i was concerned about was getting more juice. i didnt care if i died getting it, i had to have more juice. well seeing as there was plenty of commotion happening in the kitchen, as there usually was, i didnt know what to do. the only thing i could think about was my dying thirst for more juice and there was no way i was going to be able to get anyone's attention to help me. i opened my mouth and nothing came out. i had a complete brain-dead moment and this is what came out of my mouth in the loudest, most obnoxious tone ever: THIRSTY!!!!!!!! everyone in the kitchen stopped and looked at me in shock as if to say "did you really just say that?" and "are you human?". my family still makes fun of me to this day.